L4D peeps gathering

I had a great time with them =D

Decided to bring the corn salad + scallopini white sauce for pasta + fondue. Also decided to bring the Japanese peanut sauce (overkill =/) I made garlic spread the night before, and I'm glad that everyone ate a lot of that =D

We were supposed to meet up at 2pm, but =/ turns out I was the earliest...again =/ XDD I felt like going to the arcade but with the trolley bag...well, too bulky I guess. Plus, I was a bit tired and I didn't want any encounter with the regs there to dampen my day.

So I slacked at Macs till Mag and Pink came along =D lol Mag's hair really stands out XD saw his hair before I even saw them =X

After that, met up with Akira as well, and then headed off to the NTUC to grab the fresh food stuffs.

I think overall we did pretty well =D The food was great (pasta, soup, garlic bread, salad) if a bit too rich/heavy; the fondue could have been better though =/ IDK. The Aalst chocolate was really thick. For the entire box + a handful of the 55% chocolate couverture drops (Phoon Huat), I had to use 2 bars of cocoa butter (Phoon Huat's again) to ensure that it would actually START flowing. I had only 2 bars, else I would have put more. Note to self: Buy a lot of cocoa butter for x'mas party.

There was one part in which everyone stopped Wii-ing and started eating the chocolate. I think it was great =D It was like, heart-warming XD

After that I played Wii (Raving Rabbids)...awesome! I really like the idea of using both hands actively like that. I probably could buy the Wii and use it to work out at home =/

Many thanks to JQ who let me continue playing by going to wash up ^.^" I really appreciated that (my heart also kinda melted XD) he washed all the pieces because what I'd wanted to do was to simply wipe the excess chocolate off and then wash them when I reached home.

After that we cabbed home. I miss him. I really do. We hardly spend a lot of time together now, but I'm also really glad that he's pursuing something he likes. I wouldn't have it any other way =))))


Next big makan session should be at Mr. Paul's =X

Dusty...again

Haven't updated in a long time. I just want to say that recently I think we've been spending lesser and lesser time together but I think we do cherish our time more now. I..don't really know what to do. Kinda living in a limbo where part of me is scared that if I don't see him often, my feelings for him will disappear; and the other part is just enjoying this 'not-really bf-gf' kinda feeling. You know, like, not a lot of commitment like that.

X'mas is coming up. I really MUST lose weight. X( Sigh.

Expectations

Maybe what he (no, not HIM) said is true:

"Don't have too many expectations"

I was slightly more happy back when I didn't know if he wanted us to be a thing, and I treated him like a friend that I really liked a lot, and only had friendship expectations of him.

I must not expect too much X( Why does it hurt when I even think of that sentence?

Realization

I just realized that ever since that day, I've stopped using those endearing words like 'dear, darling, sweet" in my texts to him.

And to think just a few days before that, he was remarking about me using such words more regularly in my texts, to which I replied saying that it was because I wanted to feel more comfortable with such words before saying them out loud.

I really don't know how I can..fully trust him again? Even when I text him, I fall into the rhythm of typing those words out, and then I stop myself and tell myself "you said you'd make it hard for this one, why are you so trusting again after he hurt you?"..and then I press the Clear button and delete the words.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe I'm not meant to love.

Maybe this is just another interval in my life. A long second, to know what it means to truly like someone and have that someone like you..straight from the start.

~

Yes, I'm emoing badly right now. He said something about Wangan that stung, and now..cleavage. Not that I feel I lack in that department - I just..=/

Suddenly I feel terrible. Good thing I pulled off the lashes already.

Nightmares

Been having a lot of nightmares that wake me up extremely early in the morning.

I guess it's because of what happened last week. Sigh. The feelings are all so..real, even in the dreams.

Good game of L4D

Had a very good game of L4D against the Blood D. ppl. Pubs vs a team and we won (BH3, heading to the building before the train area). I think our infected were pretty good (they didn't really cover well for each other too, and spawn spots were easy for us; their infected also didn't do us much dmg) We had a scare in BH5 also when the boomer caught us just as we were waiting for the tank to come. By then we were fighting our way out of the house trying to move to open space. Luckily for us, the tank didn't use the log that we ran near to, and I had a pipe to distract the horde.

Overall I like the way my team had that insta-chemistry: they didn't take a long time to cover each other, and while we didn't really communicate much, we used the Z & X commands to communicate with each other, like asking whether we are all ready to move and hurrying each other on.

We had that "rush" instinct like what Valent said a long time ago - when it's time to rush, we'd already be moving (there was one guy who lagged behind sometimes but he's good at covering others)

I felt I was the one talking the most...saying in BH5 start "I'll cover smoker on the left" and then the other guy was like "I'll cover your ass" LOLX

However, I realised that my Infected skills have dropped: no longer landing proper 25s, boomer not going very well (I think the other team covered Boomers very well). But being Smoker was average for me. Didn't do fantastic pulls, but I had my share of covering Smoker (with hunter) AND pulling one away so that the rest can help.

I remembered that in BH4 in the house just before the saferoom, there was a witch right at the 2nd floor, beside the steps (a bit out of sight so that you'd bump into her when turning to move up to the 3rd floor. It was scary because we heard a smoker (but I think he'd spawned at the wrong place) and we thought they would be waiting to ambush us with the witch, then the guy that I clicked with the most said he can go crown. Then I told him, better to go as a group, 2 crown (like the TeC ppl IIRC) and 2 ppl watch from the back. By the time we went up the stairs, the witch was already growling. I could only see her exposed back, so I just quickly crown because the horde was coming also. Then after that is a rush all the way. Had another scare because I heard the boomer below us (lucky I saw him and killed him).

There was another game where I played NM.

I joined the game in NM2 when my team was playing as Infected (2nd round). Kinda disappointed, but in NM3 we started winning back. Rushed to the saferoom when I got stuck and the smoker pulled me to the car. I was expecting it and shot the car to kill the smoker, then someone tossed molo and I rushed into the pawnshop to close the 2 doors and then hurried into the saferoom. That one was pretty scary.

NEW GDB-F X(

SO LIKE X(

Well, there IS a SS1 GDB-F out there...and I'm SO tempted to get it. I just...feel that I can't put my personal GDB-F down X(

Sadded.

I really don't know.

...angry at herself for leaving her heart so open. What is love? How can one so jaded, so weary know love again? But he..he showed her what love was, and slowly she opened her heart, hoping..hoping to love again. And then he plunged the dagger into her heart, and it was so painful, so very painful. A fresh scar to join the many other scabbed-over ones. Will she love again? Can she bear to open her heart again? Yet she knows she will, because she is stupid and crazy...And people do crazy things when they are in love."

~

"I didn't want to discuss this on the bus because I was scared that if you became emotional, you would run blindly across the road or something and get knocked down"

and a lot of other stuff.

Experiments.

Love.

"I hate you. Go away"

"I'm on my knees..and I'll stay here till you're okay"

~

"I know you're tired.."

If you know I'm tired, why did you insist on taking the bus all the way to the last stop and then taking the long route to my house?

~

"I don't know when I want to see you again."

"I understand."
...
...
...
"When can I see you again?"

"Whenever you feel like it, okay?....I'm here for you."

~

A lot of tears were shed. And words.

~

Grinding my teeth so hard now when I'm talking to him on MSN. Hurts, but the pain reminds me that I'm still alive.

6th month anniversary. I gave him a shirt and a bag. And, I was subjected to...kindly put, a test of endurance.

I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to say.

I haven't felt this way in a long time. And when I mean long..

When I heard him laugh while he was telling me he had it planned all the while, my heart shattered, and for a moment, I felt thrust back in time, when Greenapples and Rusco had hurt me. The two combined into a haze of red and black agony, and his laughter hurt me so badly, I wanted to go home and just..lie down..and maybe die.

I haven't felt so hurt, so pained in a very long time.

Maybe because I opened my heart to him, and the blow was so unexpected.

~

Fires to flames
Dust to ash
Everyone will burn like a pile of trash
But from these ashes
New life grows
And for this new life
A single red rose.

Dusty!

So like, I haven't posted in a while.

6th month is coming up. Kinda..feel queer, since I haven't seen him for a few days now. Lol..kinda reminds me of the bride and groom thing - dunno what, cannot see each other for how long before the wedding day something ._."

Anyway, like, had a few good days with Wangan. Namely when Dare came to SG (video in the sidebar)..well, we had Crazy 4-way (always the case when TCS is around, no?) and all-Supra battle (Ultimate Happiness!) XD.... and more recently, Winter and I were sian of waiting for machines at DBG, so we went to Cineleisure - yes, I wouldn't usually go there because of CERTAIN ppl but..I couldn't see myself spending moolah (no money at that time) changing tokens when I had credit in my TZ card - and had a great time. Met up with TITAN..LTNS, and we played quite a bit.

The little kid (PCR..something) was being so damn disiao. Tell me to step boost off, and when I say "boost off can. you come near me I will slam you"..he never stepped boost off liao. I was so pissed, I said very loudly to Winter "some ppl think that having many stars means the boost very high. SORRY UH, I don't rely on my boost to win" after which I switched to using Zals-kun's Supra, and still won the kid. "See, 100 stars only, still can win. PROOF!"

I was so pissed though, so I went back to my own GDB-F. Earned quite a number of stars (the kid kept playing Hakone as if it was his best map sia. Kaoz..yeah sure he won a few times coz Titan kept slamming me also but when Winter came in it was sure win for either one of us)..almost an entire row. Tsk tsk. Ahh well. He stopped for a while, trying to take the crowns (in which I took down C1 easily and kept trying to run a proper line) and then came back to play. Halfway through his earlier games, he was calling a friend "where are you? Come back Cine leh" LOL..

tsk tsk..kids these days too rich liao. Must really say karm-sia to him for the 20 stars or so.

Is it a good thing?

Dare came to SG =) Had a great time showing him around...Just really tired, and had pains in my feet coz of the walking around.

Felt a stab of jealousy when we went to Arcadia. I don't think it was good of me, so I just laughed it off. But after a while of thinking, it comes back to haunt me X(